Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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