i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
