please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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