he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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