im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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