is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
