hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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