yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
