My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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