They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
