Don't EVER smell your tampon
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
