ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
