So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
