You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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