People in love make me want to vomit
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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