girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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