Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
