He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
