FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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