I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
