overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There r osticjed everywhere
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
