you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
