He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
