Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
