I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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