I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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