I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize