I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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