Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
