Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
