will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
