proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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