I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
