You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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