Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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