We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
