if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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