Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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