i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
