where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
