im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nutella sex= disaster
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think my moral compass just broke
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
