You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's like iHOP with fire
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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