Will you blow on my dice?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
