He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
