I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
