Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
