I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
