my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
