i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
