You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
