I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
