Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
