What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
