I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
