My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
