so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They should really pass out barf bags in church
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
