My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
