U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
