They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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