Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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