kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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