Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
