Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
