my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
