why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
