VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
