The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
