I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
