Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My balls are so social today.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
