Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
