legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
