Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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