One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
