Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
