I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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